I love to look after people. I just do.
I will go out of my way to make sure other people are OK. I am a ‘people pleaser’ I suppose but I don’t really like those words as I feel it brings about more of a negative feeling – but that’s just me.
I will and have always put others well being before my own. Whether it’s a poorly family member that needs looking after. A friend that needs help with childcare or even if someone just needs me to collect something from the shops, whatever I can do to help, I will.
And you know what, there’s nothing wrong with that, you say. Nope I completely agree. However, when you are doing so much for others that you don’t know when to stop, then it becomes a problem. When you are ill and run down but are still looking after others before yourself, then that’s a problem.
The hardest lesson, as I call it, is looking after ME!
The hardest lesson is checking in with myself and making sure I am OK before leaping towards others and offering help.
The hardest lesson, I’m sure many of you can relate to, is putting MYSELF FIRST!
I have yet to master this lesson but I am getting better (who am I kidding, I’m crap!) I do want to get better at it. I know that it truly does help if I give myself time for me. It not only helps my mental health recovery but my life in general. It helps me be a better mother, wife and friend as I am not run down or overwhelmed all the time.
My main obstacle with this, is my feelings of guilt (I’ve written another blog on that one!) I can’t bare to think of others struggling whilst I’m chilling out in the bath or going shopping or whatever. I do genuinely have an overwhelming need to make sure people feel loved, looked after and have someone to rely on. I went so many years without feeling these feelings of love and security so I know how awful it feels. And I don’t want anyone to go through that pain.
To me, I honestly see this as a positive. That’s why I don’t really like the label of ‘people pleaser’. To me it implys i’m only helping to make myself feel better or to aid me in some way. This is obviously just my opinion and I don’t know why I see it like this, I just do.
I genuinely do love helping and looking after others and I’m good at it! I am certainly not going to stop, however, I do recognise that I need to know and learn when to hold back and put my needs first.
I need to learn the hardest lesson.
I need to put myself first sometimes and not feel guilty about it. I don’t expect to master this lesson anytime soon but as I know it’ll benefit me and my family, I am willing to give it a good go!
Lots of love,