Yes it’s true, this post is about the school anxiety I feel as an adult! In fact I feel like I’m more anxious now than when I was at school sometimes!
Just a few weeks away marks the end of my eldest sons first year at school. End of Reception class. Now I assumed, quite naively, that Reception would be just like preschool. 80% playtime with a small amount of structured work.
Boy was I wrong!
I’m not necessarily saying that I wish it was like that I was just not prepared at all. Having said that 4/5 year olds really do have a lot of work to do. Homework every week. Reading books every week and lists of words to learn each evening. I can barely keep up! Cue anxiety.
I do feel very lucky that my sons school is really lovely. We’ve loved his teachers, his friends and the mummies and daddies have been fab too. It really is a lovely little community and I’m very grateful to be a part of it. However, having said all this, it’s not mean that the school anxiety I feel as an adult has taken a rest. There have been many occasions where I’ve struggled to get out of the house as my heart is pounding out of his chest and I can’t catch my breath. Mostly for no real reason!
I might feel like the homework we did is no where near as good as it could have been – will his teacher think I’m a terrible mother?! Do the other children really like my little boy? Is he actually being bullied and I know nothing about it? I’ve not had time to wash my hair today, with the other parents think i’m disgusting?! Silly, yes, but that’s anxiety for you! For some reason it’s amped up in a school setting too!
I recently had a major bout of anxiety regarding my sons new class for year 1. The school mix up all the students and spilt them in two new classes. Talk about anxiety!
I’ve been panicking about it for months. Unfortunately there was member of his class that has not been very nice to him over a long period of time so I was extremely nervous that he might end up in their class. I was anxious to see if he was going to be with his friends. Would he be ok with all this change? Would he struggle, act out, go in on himself.
Then the day came this week that I found out. We now know his class teacher and most of his class mates too. I was happy that the child that had been causing problems was not with him, however, I was very shocked to hear that his 3 best friends, the 3 he plays with and talks about every single day for the past few months are not in his class! I have to admit I nearly cried when I found out! My stomach started churning and anxiety really peaked! How on earth was I going to break this to my 5 year old?!
I then went home to have a full blown anxiety attack! Not in front of my son but later when my husband returned home and I spoke to him about what had happened. But my husband is pretty awesome. He has a level head and doesn’t let things effect him the way I let things effect me. He explained things differently which certainly helped calm me down.
So the time came when I decided to speak to my son about the class change. I wanted to talk to him before he heard it from someone else.
Our conversation went like this;
Me; So H are you excited about going into year 1 and your new teacher?
Me; Are you excited that X, Y and Z are going to be in your class too?
Me; That’s good. I just wanted to let you know something, you know your best friends, A, B and C, well unfortunately they are going to be in the other class, not yours.
H; Yes I know.
Me; Are you OK with not seeing them all the time?
H; I will see them Mummy. I can see them through the classroom window and I will play with them at play time and after lunchtime!
Me; Yes of course, you’ll defiantly see them at play times. When you’re inside learning though your class will be a bit different but then at play times you can play with whoever you like.
H; Yes I know. Can I have something to eat now please!
Literally that was how it went! I mean what a little inspiration. A lesson to me – stop over thinking! Stop worrying!
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – I am so proud of him! I really am. He teaches me important lessons every single day. I almost felt my anxiety fall away as he spoke. A lesson that I really shouldn’t let my school anxiety I feel as an adult effect him.
So although I’m still slightly anxious and I imagine as the first day of year 1 approaches the school anxieties will all return with a bang! Right now though H is happy, enjoying his last few weeks of term and is very excited anout heading of into year 1 in September!
And that is the most important thing!
Love Amy x