This is a letter to you my son. A letter about my mental health and our relationship.
I have written down many things for you over the years, poems, notes, updates on your life but never a letter. I am writing to you today with a feeling of love and gratitude. Love is a term that gets thrown around a lot but my understanding of love is true and pure and simply amazing. I fell in love with you the moment I saw you. I can still see, smell and feel that moment you were put on my chest for the very first time.That gorgeous first moment. Pure perfection.
My love for you has only grown with every moment that has passed, every milestone you’ve hit, every expression, word and cheeky comment. Watching you grow into the most beautiful, caring, kind and loving little boy that makes me burst with pride!
Not only have I been teaching you lessons everyday but I can honestly say you have been teaching me a few.
Living with any mental illness is tough. Really tough.
You try you hardest to hide it in most cases through fear of being judged but then when you’re brave enough to tell people you are faced with blank faces and unhelpful advice or comments. Even the most understanding of friends distance themselves or simply disappear. I am diagnosed with a few mental health issues so I might have more struggles than most but that doesn’t mean others aren’t struggling or being misunderstood every day. These are just a few of the things that I wish people knew about my diagnosis.
7 Signs when your mental health takes a turn.
After a 4 week break from my blogging, I am back.
I took a break for a few reasons, mainly because my mental health took a turn for the worst and I was generally feeling overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with with everything! Being a good mum, a good wife, a good daughter, a good friend, blogger and trying to arrange my charity event! I desperately wanted to stay on top of all of these things. Why can’t I? Everyone else seems to be doing it all fine. No one else struggles as much as me. What is wrong with me?
Being grateful is something that spoken about a lot and I believe it to be very important. Even if you change nothing else in your life but being and feeling grateful everyday then I am sure you will notice positive things begin to happen.
This post is one that has been bubbling away and making me more and more cross over the past couple of years! I have chosen to post it now as I have yet again been let down by the mental health services mainly due to the fact I have a young son.
As most of you know I suffer with BPD – borderline personality disorder, amongst other things. I have spoken briefly about it and how it effects me, but I have always held back just a little bit.
Scared of peoples reactions. Being judged, Or that awful thing I seem to get a lot from people – “Oh you’ve got that, that explains soooo much!” God I hate that!
Whats it really like to live with anorexia?
I was only officially diagnosed with anorexia a few years ago, however I am very aware that I have lived with it since my early teens.
Anorexia is the most difficult to talk about out of all of the illness that I suffer with. It’s the least understood and the one that carries the most stigma. Anorexia is not simply teenage girls starving themselves to an emaciated state and it is not – as many people think – an extreme weight loss diet! Anorexia is a serious mental illness. It is a mental illness that has a huge mortality rate – the biggest amongst any mental illness.
I don’t know about you but I just can’t seem to get a balance. In life generally. It drives me crazy – literally! Life with a mental illness very often is a balancing act.
I have these periods of a few weeks at a time where I really have my shit together. I’m loving life and getting things done. Really enjoying time with H, staying on top of the housework, getting work done and keeping in touch with friends and family. Generally life is pretty great!
How are you?
A simple question. A question most people hear dozens of times a day or week.
But for someone suffering with depression this questions brings with it a wave of dread, anxiety and even panic.
Borderline Personality Disorder is a tough diagnosis. I am not saying that other mental health diagnosis aren’t but BPD in particular seems to have a huge stigma around it.
Some of this is down to the media falsely representing it but also just plain ignorance.
The name seems to suggest that we have a disordered, bad or broken personality. This is what I first assumed, as did many people I know who were diagnosed.