The NHS have just celebrated their 70th birthday which saw social media, news channels, newspapers and magazines full to bursting with amazing stories of the NHS being nothing short of fabulous. Because of this it makes this post ‘My love hate relationship with the NHS’ a little scary to post.

It’s a scary thing to write because, as always I never know what the response will be. My love hate relationship is split between the great things it has done to help my son and the truly hideous way that I have been treated for my mental health.

Continue reading

This week and last week in particular have been some of those ‘Don’t let anxiety win!’ kind of weeks.

I am absolutely exhausted by it. Mentally, emotionally and psychically.

Anxiety has been with me for as long as I can remember and it really sucks! It’s also really misunderstood. I was told just last week to “just calm down”, “stop doing this all the time” “just stop worrying about it!” Very unhelpful when you are in the throws of an anxiety attack.

Last week I had awful anxiety was because of an event I was attending in London with one of best friends. I had booked it months ago. I was so looking forward it but anxiety had other ideas. As of the Sunday anxiety hit and there was no calming it…

Continue reading

Anorexia and me.

How would you feel if you were told every day that you were fat? Huge? Disgusting? You were told that the revolting way that your body moves around puts people off of their food. They are disgusted by you and your body. When summer approaches and you start showing more skin it makes others around you want to vomit.

How would you feel if you were told you were pathetic. You can’t do anything right – ever. You are not only ugly on the outside but on the inside as well. Everyone is either laughing at you or disgusted by you.

How would you feel if your best friend spoke to you like that?

Continue reading

Before I begin this post please note that it could be a trigger to you if you suffer with self harming. Please look after yourself and if you are not in a ‘good’ or strong enough place then save ‘When self harm returned’ for another day.

I have been so long now without having to resort to any kind of self harm. It was so long without doing it that the thought of doing it again was so far off in my mind, I seriously could not imagine bruising or cutting my skin again. That is until just a few days ago.

Now firstly let me just put out there how terrified I am to post this. I am so scared that people are going to judge me. That they are going to laugh and mock me. What if they are disgusted by me? Or what if they just plain avoid and ignore me? Honestly my heart is pounding! But as I’ve said again and again I do this for the readers of this blog. So many of whom – I know because you contact me – say that these open and honest blog posts are what help the most. Not sugar coated or just part of the story, open, honest and real. So for you guys here goes…

Continue reading

Although I blog about my mental health almost every week I very rarely talk specifically about my life with borderline personality disorder – BPD anymore.

At the beginning I wrote about ‘borderline personality disorder and being a mum‘ and ‘BPD the positives’ but now I very often shy away from my diagnosis of BPD.

Why?

Well, it’s down to that good old stigma again!

When people ask or find out my diagnosis I am more often than not met with the look of “oh crap!” and general comparisons to “that celebrity that went ‘crazy’!”

Continue reading