The NHS have just celebrated their 70th birthday which saw social media, news channels, newspapers and magazines full to bursting with amazing stories of the NHS being nothing short of fabulous. Because of this it makes this post ‘My love hate relationship with the NHS’ a little scary to post.
It’s a scary thing to write because, as always I never know what the response will be. My love hate relationship is split between the great things it has done to help my son and the truly hideous way that I have been treated for my mental health.
I love the sun. I love heat. I am a complete sun worshipper. However, my mental health really seems to take a dive in this heatwave weather. That’s why this post 5 Tips for coping in the heat when you have mental health issues popped into my mind. If I struggle then other people are probably struggling too.
I’m sure that may sound a bit stupid to some people (ungrateful even?) but it honestly makes everything so much harder and it all just feels too much.
I was saying to a friend the other day that if it was this hot on holiday then great! I could lay by the pool, take a dip when needed, go back to the air conditioned room if it all got too much. Nothing was really expected of me and I could relax. However, when it’s a heatwave at home you don’t get that. You still have the school run to contend with. You still have the housework, the cooking, the usual day to day work and plus this country is just not equipped for this kind of weather. We have 3 fans pushing around hot air in our house and it just doesn’t cut it! Plus it makes babies miserable. My 6 month old has struggled quite a bit. Not eating because he’s too hot, then being up all night to top up. Not napping as hes too hot then crying and whinging – even screaming – all day. Enough to make anyone get stressed out!
This week and last week in particular have been some of those ‘Don’t let anxiety win!’ kind of weeks.
I am absolutely exhausted by it. Mentally, emotionally and psychically.
Anxiety has been with me for as long as I can remember and it really sucks! It’s also really misunderstood. I was told just last week to “just calm down”, “stop doing this all the time” “just stop worrying about it!” Very unhelpful when you are in the throws of an anxiety attack.
Last week I had awful anxiety was because of an event I was attending in London with one of best friends. I had booked it months ago. I was so looking forward it but anxiety had other ideas. As of the Sunday anxiety hit and there was no calming it…
Being an empath is really an amazing gift.5 Things I’ve learnt about being an empath
I love being an empath I truly do but it’s not without it’s difficulties. I have often heard people say that sympthy and empathy are the same things but they really aren’t.
The dictionary states;
Sympathy; feelings of pity and sorrow for someone else’s misfortune.
Empathy; the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.
A good example of the differences between the two was given to me in a group therapy session a few years ago and it really stuck with me.
Anorexia and me.
How would you feel if you were told every day that you were fat? Huge? Disgusting? You were told that the revolting way that your body moves around puts people off of their food. They are disgusted by you and your body. When summer approaches and you start showing more skin it makes others around you want to vomit.
How would you feel if you were told you were pathetic. You can’t do anything right – ever. You are not only ugly on the outside but on the inside as well. Everyone is either laughing at you or disgusted by you.
How would you feel if your best friend spoke to you like that?
So the summer holidays are approaching (far to quickly in my opinion) a mere 2 weeks away! So I thought I best get my bum in gear and think of some summer holiday ideas come rain or shine that we we can all enjoy.
As my eldest is only in Reception we have only had one real set of summer holidays last year and in all honesty I wasn’t very prepared. This time I wanted to ditch the stress and have some ideas in place.
We have well and truly been spoiled the past 3/4 weeks with hot weather and beautiful sunshine but we do live in England and more often that not it does tend to rain for the majority of the kids summer holidays. So I need to have ideas for outside and inside but also on a bit of a budget too. Now I am lucky in some respects as H is just like me and does love his arts and crafts but on the other hand he gets bored very very quickly – also like me!
Before I begin this post please note that it could be a trigger to you if you suffer with self harming. Please look after yourself and if you are not in a ‘good’ or strong enough place then save ‘When self harm returned’ for another day.
I have been so long now without having to resort to any kind of self harm. It was so long without doing it that the thought of doing it again was so far off in my mind, I seriously could not imagine bruising or cutting my skin again. That is until just a few days ago.
Now firstly let me just put out there how terrified I am to post this. I am so scared that people are going to judge me. That they are going to laugh and mock me. What if they are disgusted by me? Or what if they just plain avoid and ignore me? Honestly my heart is pounding! But as I’ve said again and again I do this for the readers of this blog. So many of whom – I know because you contact me – say that these open and honest blog posts are what help the most. Not sugar coated or just part of the story, open, honest and real. So for you guys here goes…
Yes it’s true, this post is about the school anxiety I feel as an adult! In fact I feel like I’m more anxious now than when I was at school sometimes!
Just a few weeks away marks the end of my eldest sons first year at school. End of Reception class. Now I assumed, quite naively, that Reception would be just like preschool. 80% playtime with a small amount of structured work.
Boy was I wrong!
I’m not necessarily saying that I wish it was like that I was just not prepared at all. Having said that 4/5 year olds really do have a lot of work to do. Homework every week. Reading books every week and lists of words to learn each evening. I can barely keep up! Cue anxiety.
Art and what’s coming next for me…
I love art. I love anything creative in fact. Be it drawing, painting, writing, crafting, upcycling or knitting! I love the whole process, the taking nothing an turning it into something. Be it a blank page or a wooden pallet.
Like I’ve mentioned I love art but as I’ve discovered again recently I need art too. Without it I get bored. I feel lost. Fed up, worthless even. Art is proven to help hugely with recovery from mental health issues but I had completely given up on art. Didn’t see the point. Didn’t think I was good enough. I thought it was a waste of time. That was until I ended up in hospital very ill. Doing art again, well, it saved me. It gave me a focus. Art gave me a purpose when I had lost everything else.
Quite simply art makes me feel alive.
Although I blog about my mental health almost every week I very rarely talk specifically about my life with borderline personality disorder – BPD anymore.
At the beginning I wrote about ‘borderline personality disorder and being a mum‘ and ‘BPD the positives’ but now I very often shy away from my diagnosis of BPD.
Well, it’s down to that good old stigma again!
When people ask or find out my diagnosis I am more often than not met with the look of “oh crap!” and general comparisons to “that celebrity that went ‘crazy’!”