Mental Health

    Moody Cow!

    I’m such a moody cow!

    No, it’s OK. I am.

    I know I am. I wish I wasn’t but BPD is in charge at the moment, so I am.

    I describe my moods majority of the time, when asked by friends or family, as “just up and down at the moment”. But really this is a HUGE understatement!
    Me and few friends, also with BPD, often joke that our moods don’t only go up and down but they jump, bounce, pirouette and loop the loop!

    One minute you are handling things. Thinking, wow, OK, so I’m finally starting to feel better. I’m keeping up with the housework, talking with friends eating better but then in the blink of an eye it all changes. The colours seem to drain out of everything.  You’re convinced your friends hate you and are talking about you behind your back. You think your husband is going to leave you – why wouldn’t he you’re a crap wife! You’re a terrible mum and an awful human being.

    Moody cow

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    Mental Health

    The mental health mask

    “You wear a mask for so long you forget who you are underneath.”

    “The saddest people smile the brightest!” Robin Williams

    The Mask or ‘My Mask’ is something I have written and drawn about over the past few years. Before this I don’t even know if I even realised I was wearing one.

    Since I have been poorly and more vocal about my mental health issues, I have had so many people message me saying,

    “I never knew you were ill”

    “How did I never know?”

    “I’ve known you for years and I would never have guessed!”

    “You always seem so happy, confident, chatty etc …”

    Well this is precisely why I am talking about the mental health mask today. Just because someone is smiling doesn’t always mean they are happy. That smile may hide something.

    The mental health mask

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    Mental Health, Parenting and Lifestyle

    New year new Lumie

    Firstly I’d like to wish you all a happy new year! I hope your 2017 brings you all the love, happiness and prosperity life has to offer.

    I’m starting 2017 with a blog about how my mental health has been the best it has been over Christmas for many many years.

    I suffer with depression and Boarderline Personality Disorder, amongst other things, but I also suffer with S.A.D (Seasonal Affective Disorder). As many of you know S.A.D begins as the weather gets colder and the days get darker and usually lasts the whole of winter.

    The darker mornings and evenings and even the dark days seem to physically drain me and stuck the happiness and positivity out of me. Leaving me feeling downright miserable! I also seem to catch every bug going and take forever to recover from them.

    I would sleep badly and find it near impossible to get out of bed in the morning and going to sleep at night would involve me fighting to get to 8pm before I collapse exhausted into my bed!

    new me new lumie

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    Mental Health

    Positive coping skills

    Coping skills for living with a mental illness varies so much from person to person. So I’m just going to focus on my positive coping skills and what helps me when I’m struggling.

    Art is something that I have always been passionate about. Whether it’s drawing, painting, writing stories or poetry. I love anything that involves creativity. When I was first put into hospital a few years ago I was in an extremely bad place. I couldn’t talk to people without my entire body shaking or feeling like my heart was about to explode out of my chest. Eye contact was even difficult in the beginning. So I kept myself to myself generally in the corner of the same room. I began to watch the other patients drawing and sketching and it instantly made me want to do it too. I got myself a set of pencils and a sketch pad and began to draw and write poetry. I kept my art very private as I was convinced it was all shit.

    But it allowed me to escape.

    It allowed me to leave and get away without having to physically disappear. I craved it! It seemed to give me some joy and purpose (no matter how small in the beginning).

    positive coping skills

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    Mental Health

    I still have bad days – but its OK.

    When I first started to write this blog I made myself a promise that I was going to be honest. Years and years of lying and this is my time to be honest.

    So, I do still have bad days! But it is OK!

    Not very often but they do still creep up on me.

    For the past few months or so I’ve been feeling good – maybe even really good a lot of the time. Holding things together personally and at home. Doing well in therapy. Focusing on the future. I’m off of my anti psychotic medication, generally doing well in all areas.

    However,  a few weeks or so ago something changed. I felt it the minute I woke up. I felt – different.


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    Mental Health

    Christmas. The most wonderful time of the year???

    I have always loved Christmas. I didn’t matter whether I was a child, teenager or adult. I loved it.

    Having my little boy has only increased my love for it. It’s magical. It’s exciting. It’s happy.

    Well, that’s the idea anyway.

    I guess I have always wanted it to be like this. That perfect Christmas where all of your family and friends gather, exchanging gifts, smiles and laughter. Honest, true happiness. But life isn’t like a film.


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    Mental Health

    My post natal depression

    I have been thinking about writing my experiences with PND for a while but have been too nervous.

    I have come to terms with most of my mental health issues but PND is still a struggle.

    My pregnancy overall was pretty good. I had morning sickness for the first 13/14 weeks and a small scare at 30 weeks but overall I loved my pregnancy.

    I have always struggled with my eating and the way I look but all of these fears seemed to disappear during pregnancy. I embraced my growing body and bump. My midwife even told me that I shouldn’t worry as I was the kind of person who’s body would just ping back in the few weeks after birth. So I relaxed. I ate far too much. As a result I put on 4 stone!

    pnd for me

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