Mental Health

Mental illness and getting better

When you have a mental illness you fight every day. Whether it’s depression, an eating disorder, anxiety you are always fighting.

People will often say to me:

“It’s nice to see you all better now”

“I’m so glad you’re over all that.”

“When you HAD depression ….”

It’s like it was a small blip in life that has disappeared and doesn’t need to be discussed again.

Mental illness and getting better

Mental illness doesn’t just disappear. Yes a lot of them are treatable but not all of them. Also the emotions and memories attached to having suffered will most likely follow you around forever.

Most of my mental illnesses have been with me since a young age. I am 30 now and still suffering. Yes I am managing them better but it’s hard work. Some days are easier than others. Some days pass with out much of a problem but it’s the other days that creep up on you without warning that cause you to keep pushing, keeping working and keep fighting. Leaving you mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted.

This is what people don’t see. People don’t see the inner pain. They don’t see you fighting back tears, anger, dangerous urges. and because they can’t see it, it can’t be there and can’t be happening – right?

Wrong! So so wrong!

I describe my depression and mental illnesses as my Demon. He sits on my shoulder, forever a presence in my life. He is there every single day. Some days he is small and more relaxed but others days and weeks he is huge. He is heavy, he is dark, he is all consuming! He reminds me of all the horrible things that have happened in my life, and all the mistakes I have made. Telling me I am an awful person who deserves nothing. No matter what is happening he will convince me of the absolute worst.

It is not as simple as just shaking him off and simply ignoring him (advice I have been given by others!) he has a firm hold on me and will only shrink when HE is ready.

Mental illness and getting better

I think this is something that most people do struggle to understand. Just because I am perhaps better than I was a few years ago does not mean I am cured! Far from it. If anything I feel that sometimes this is when I am most vulnerable. People aren’t ‘keeping an eye on me’ nobody asks how I am feeling anymore. If I need help because I am feeling overwhelmed or exhausted people just aren’t there anymore. This also makes me feel like I should be better by now. Everyone expects and believes me to be better, so I should be! Again this is a very dangerous place to be and will almost certainly lead to me regressing and maybe even having another break down. I have seen it happen, to myself and others too.

We need to talk to people who have suffered with their mental health. Keep texting and calling. Keep checking in. Be there for them – emotionally or physically. Let them know you have not forgotten them.

If you love and care for someone then this shouldn’t be a hardship. You should want to see them recovering and feeling like they are wanted and loved.

I completely understand that we are very busy people with very busy lives. I get that completely but how long does it take to send a text?

I believe that some – maybe most – people just do not understand these things about mental illnesses which is why they aren’t doing the things necessary so I don’t blame them. This is why I am writing about these difficult things. I feel like I have a responsibility to share what I can about mental health issues and as a sufferer sharing what helps us and what doesn’t.

Please take care of yourself and others.

Stay safe.

Lots of love

Amy x




Share on
Leave a comment

You may also like


  • Reply Mel Lee-Smith

    I totally empathise with you here. I call my BPD a “monster.” I hate that people think I’m suddenly cured because my mental illness has improved. You’re totally right — it’s a cycle. Our mental health changes on a daily basis. It’s not something that will just go away. It’s something we can learn to manage with time, but we’ll still have bad days, and the people in our lives need to understand that. Thanks for sharing your thoughts! They’re much needed.

    July 17, 2017 at 7:23 pm
    • Reply amysboarderlineworld

      A ‘Monster’ is a very apt name. It’s defiantly a very good feeling to find other people who are or have gone through the same thing. Hopefully by us talking out friends and family will start to understand a little more. Thank you so much for reading.

      July 18, 2017 at 9:10 am
  • Reply Sarah Harrison

    This is so true. I think I even like to think I’m ‘better’ as well as everyone else, I want to believe it’s all gone away. Like you say this is when we are most at risk. Most in danger of being overwhelmed again and dragged right back down. When we stop noticing the warning signs, when we chose to ignore them – that’s when it gets us.

    August 10, 2017 at 6:41 pm
  • Leave a Reply

    This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.