I’ve decided that I’m not going to worry about what people think of me anymore. Well, I’m giving it a bloody good go at least! Because, you know what, having Mental Health Issues really are nothing to be ashamed of! I have done nothing wrong and didn’t ask to have these illnesses so I feel I have an obligation to spread the word about my diagnosis and stop the stigma and ignorance that unfortunately still exists!
I am diagnosed with Boarderline Personality Disorder (BPD), Anorexia, Clinical Depression and Anxiety. Quite a mouthful I’m sure you’ll agree.
Although I have suffered hugely with Depression and Anxiety it’s BPD and Anorexia that plague my life daily.
I have been been hospitalised and have attempted suicide numerous times. I self harmed a lot also, as a method of coping but can happily say that since last Christmas my suicidal tendencies have been pretty much not existent.
It has been hard don’t get wrong but I’ve had the amazing support from my husband and close friends that have really helped me fight and push on to recovery.
There have been times that I have had to fight harder than others, when that voice is a little louder but I am determined to get better!
I have been and am still on medication. Something else I was hugely ashamed of. I’m not on nearly as much as I was but I’m not going to force myself off of them just because I’m scared of what people are going to think of me!
Although having said that, there is actually no specific medication for BPD. It is an illness bred from severe negative self views. I have a deep ingrained belief that I am a bad, horrible person and I have to work hard every day to get out of that mindset, or at least quieten it down a bit.
I do attend different types of therapy. Throughout my treatment I’ve attended MBT, CBT, group and individual therapy. I have found them all helpful in there own way. But the key to it really is wanting it! You have to want to get better. That doesn’t come easily.
I am learning, slowly, day by day, to accept what has happened in the past and forgive myself for mistakes. As I say it is very early days but I want to get better. My son needs me and I want to be around to watch him grow up.
Stay strong and keep fighting.
lots of love