Last week marked my little boys last day of preschool and first day of the summer holidays. He is going up to primary school in September – where on earth does the time go!? I am feeling a little overwhelmed by it all to be honest. The ending, the beginning, the time off…
I have always liked to put on this front of being able to cope with whatever life throws at me and never allowing myself to show any kind of emotion or vulnerability. But I don’t think that’s healthy.
H’s last day of preschool was originally filled with me convincing myself “Don’t cry” “Try not to think about it” but like I said I am well aware that’s unhealthy. So, I let myself go a bit, let my guard down and had a little cry (a big deal for me). My baby is growing up. It’s the end of an era. Although I am feeling a bit sad about it all I am equally so excited for him. We have visited his new school a few times and met his teacher – who is amazing! H is super excited and would start big school tomorrow if he could!
With him being so happy and confident it really does make my life so much easier. I am so so proud of the amazing little boy he has grown into.
With the end of Preschool brings another set of feelings for me. Fear and anxiety. For me the fear is due to me feeling like I won’t be able to cope for the next 6 weeks with him on my own. My husband is self employed and both of our families work full time so I won’t get any rest-bite. This does make me panic a little.
What if it all becomes too much again?
What will I do if there is no one around to help?
I know to many people reading this it will seem very melodramatic but if you’ve been through mental health problems you will no doubt understand exactly what I mean.
It’s not that I don’t want to look after H or spend time with him because I absolutely do and I am so excited for some of the fun and adventures we are going to have this summer. It’s just I have learnt my triggers and one of them is needing time to myself to recharge my batteries. So it worries me knowing that I am not going to get this.
Also there is the lack of routine that brings on my feelings of anxiety. H and I work so much better and more harmoniously if we are in a routine. Because of this I have already begun to put steps in place to help. I have written list of ideas of things we can do, rainy day lists and things we can do outside. I have also written a blog on 10 free or cheap things to do with the kids this summer holidays so that money doesn’t become an additional worry.
I have also planned play dates with friends. For me planning and organising ahead of time makes me feel more in control and helps to alleviate those negative thoughts. Although I do have a bit of a routine in place its important it’s not too rigid. I am going to try my best to ‘go with the flow’ a little more.
I am determined to enjoy the summer holidays with my little boy before he goes off to big school.