Coronation Street Suicide, how do I feel after watching it?
Firstly I want to applaud Coronation Street for doing this story line and showing this awful illness in such a true to life way. They had clearly done their research. Especially the part where Aiden is sat in the pub surrounded by friends, family, music and laughter but feels so alone. In a poisonous bubble that he can’t escape. So powerful and something that I can completely relate to.
I do also want to address the comments I’ve seen materialise online since the suicide episode. Comments such as “This isn’t very good writing, it has happened all of a sudden with no warning!” “Coronation Street must have rushed this as it’s all come out of nowhere?!”
Not to put too finer point on it but,
THAT IS THE WHOLE POINT!
Suicide, most of the time comes out of nowhere. No one, even loved ones will not see any signs at all and this is why it’s so important to highlight it! You can look like the happinest person in the room but inside be screaming. You never really know what is going on with someone, that is why I always say to be kind always. You never know what battles someone might be facing. After my first attempt I had everyone say “But she is so happy, She is so positive. You would never have known!”
Check on that friend that might be a little quieter than usual. Text that person who seems to be ‘happy’ but who’s behaviour may have changed, no matter how subtle that change might be. Is there really any excuse not to text and say “How’s things with you?” “I’ve noticed a change (in whatever it may be) all ok?” “I am here for you”
I have been in that dark place, more than once, and unfortunately pretty recently and it really is a place I would want no one else to have to endure. Watching the suicide story line did bring it all back. it was uncomfortable, sad, scary and triggering at times but I felt for me I needed to watch it. I watched with my husband who checked on me regularly throughout and every commercial break we would talk, which did help.
I felt that I could have cried at certain points but I never allowed myself too. Parts of it were like looking in mirror. The fact I could see what his behaviours were and what they were meaning for him. It was like Aiden was being the best actor in the world so not to upset anyone else. He had made up his mind. He was so desperate that this was the only option that he had left. I know what that feelings like.
One part of last nights episode really got me going was when one of the charters commented on how selfish suicide was. I felt a massive wave of anger come over me. I said to my husband that if that had been real life and had she been in the same room as me I would have really let her have it! But again, well done Coronation street for highlighting this, as this is again something that people will think. Truth is I can see how it may seem that way but honestly that person who takes their own life is in such a desperate place they feel there is no way out, and in my case I honestly, 100% believed that my family were better off without me and I was actually doing them a huge favour!
That’s how awful it can get!
Watching how suicide effected family members, friends and neighbours did make me feel incredibly sad. my heart ached for his father and I would never want my family to go through that, however, I can’t honestly say I will never get to that awful place again. I don’t know how my illnesses might creep up and kidnap my mind and make me believe that ending my life is the option. But I hope that people are now getting more and more aware that they might be able to pull me up on any subtle signs I might think I am hiding but are showing? I also hope that if life does get that dark again I can take my mind back to seeing Aidens dad as that is something I felt deep in my heart and I don’t think I will ever forget it.
The episode last night (Aiden being discovered) I watched full of so much anxiety that by the end I was stiff and completely exhausted. I went straight to bed but also waking a lot and thinking a lot too. It was such a tough but important watch, for everyone.
I hope this post hasn’t come across to preachy or too “poor me!” as it is not meant to at all. I just want to take any opportunity that I can can to tell people how it really is. How it really feels and also what might help.
As always I’ll end on;
Be kind, always. You never know what battles people might be facing.
Lots of love, Amy xx