Borderline personality disorder is a serious mental condition. I have written various posts about it but this particular post focuses on having borderline personality disorder and being a mum.
I’m not going to deny that some days are a huge struggle. Mood swings, exhaustion, anxiety and so much more but being a mum is the most amazing thing I have ever done. I am getting better and my little boy has been the driving force behind my recovery.
So, borderline personality and being a mum, a few things that I’d like you to know:
- Yes BPD does sometimes mean anger issues however I must stress that I have never ever harmed my son. My anger – as with a lot of people with BPD – is internalised or taken out on myself. People with BPD are often thought of as crazy and out of control but I can honestly say that the majority of us work damn hard every day to keep the anger at bay. We are not all aggressive angry people and I am prove of this.
- I love my son! I love my little boy unconditionally. With BPD you tend to think in a very black or white way. All or nothing. The love for my son is an example of this. I do and always have loved him 100% Even in the darkest of times when I was considering the very worst, he was always the most important thing. He is quite simply the reason I am alive.
- Parenting is tough! Whether you have mental health issues or not it’s tough. But I can only say that I feel it is so much harder with a diagnosis of BPD. Daily struggles with anxiety, black and white thinking, worry and panic, mood swings and impulsive behaviours make parenting a hell of a lot tougher. However, having said this I would never walk around thinking everyone else has it easier. I know that most people are silently fighting battles many of us will never know about.
- I am a good mum. I have written a blog about this but it is worth mentioning again. the majority of people and professionals I have been in contact with have the assumption that BPD = bad parent. I have first hand experience of this, being forced to believe that I was destined to be a bad, damaged mother. But you know what, I am not! I might have to work a bit harder at some/most things but I wanted to be a good mum, so I am.
- Everything is going to be OK. I am going to be OK. My son is going to be OK. Some days might be a struggle, some weeks I might have to work harder but it will be OK. I have an amazing husband who is such a support to both of us. BPD doesn’t have to mean you are a bad mum – or dad!
Unfortunately the stigma is still around BPD (borderline personality disorder) and BPD and parenting but it doesn’t mean it is true! Like I have said I have BPD but I AM A GOOD MUM! I am not going to stop sharing my stories and I refuse to keep quiet about the subject.
I’m not stupid. I know that it’s hard but I am a fighter and I don’t give up easily. I will continue to work hard every single day to ensure my little boy has a happy, safe and loving life.
Lots of love