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Borderline Personality Disorder – What I wish I was told

Borderline Personality Disorder is a tough diagnosis. I am not saying that other mental health diagnosis aren’t but BPD in particular seems to have a huge stigma around it.

Some of this is down to the media falsely representing it but also just plain ignorance.

The name seems to suggest that we have a disordered, bad or broken personality. This is what I first assumed, as did many people I know who were diagnosed.

borderline personality disorder

Borderline personality disorder – What I wish I was told;

  • There are no specific medications for BPD but there are medications we can try to ease the symptoms of the issues you have along side it. (My case depression, anxiety, anorexia.) It may take a long time to find a medication that works for you. These medications may take up to 6 weeks to begin to take effect. They may make you feel worse at first but those symptoms should ease.
  • There are many types of therapies – being told about all of them would have really helped. Letting me know which ones could be available to me would also have been helpful. DBT, MBT and Psychotherapy are most helpful fr a BPD diagnosis.
  • If you don’t get on with your therapists, Psychiatrist, CPN then you can change them. BPD can cause problems with making and maintaining relationships. I wish I was told that this will be understood.
  • The diagnosis of BPD can be a blessing as well as a curse at times. You will feel emotions very intensely, the good and the bad. You care very deeply for others but don’t let this hamper your recovery by putting others before yourself all the time.
  • There will be very hard days. But what is important is talking to family and professionals and staying alive. Those days when all you do is breathe and remain with us are enough. Be proud of yourself for the little achievements because when you look back they will actually be your biggest.
  • You will probably not be able to work for a while. THAT IS OK! Embrace this time. Use this time to focus on you and concentrate on whats important – getting better. Practice lots of self care and NEVER feel guilty for needing time to get better.
  • You will probably come across people who do not understand and may make insensitive remarks but this is not because of you. This comes from lack of knowledge. Stay strong and learn to open up to only those you trust. You do not need to be an open book.
  • You will get better! If you take a step back and let people help you and guide you through difficult times you will be ok. There will be times you don’t agree and there may be disagreements or even arguments but this is ok too. These will probably be the things that push you to do things that you don’t believe you can. It will be so worth it!
  • You are so strong. You are brave. You are loved. You will inspire others with BPD.

borderline personality disorder

Some of the points above could also be applied to Depression, Anxiety, Eating disorders and many other mental health issues.

The above list are some of the things I look back on and really wish I was told or had a professional say to me. It is such a difficult, scary, confusing time having a diagnosis of any mental health issue.  Especially a diagnosis you know very little about or seems to suggest you have a disordered or bad personality.

Almost every single thing I know about Borderline personality disorder I have found out myself. Through reading articles and stories online. Buying books and talking to others who have the same diagnosis. But should it really be up to us? Yes, we do need to take some responsibility for our own lives but when we are at our lowest, worst and scariest of places, surely we should be given some of this information? Especially the positive parts. If not directly to us then to our family members, carers or friends?

I hope some of the list above helps you, whether you are the one suffering or whether you know someone that has a diagnosis.

Please be kind always. You never know what battle someone may be facing.

Stay safe.

Lots of love

Amy x

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8 Comments

  • Reply Amanda Stannard

    Thank you for this Amy. I am nearly 60 and have lived with BPD and Bi-Polar since I was about 10. This list was very helpful to me as it puts all the important points together and can be read through again and again for reassurance. The most poignant point for me is that no not everyone will understand and yes it is through pure ignorance. My problem is that my family do not understand and have never outwardly acknowledged my serious mental health problems. They say I am evil, and tell people to keep away from me, even my own Mother. It has taken me most of my life to get over this but I am now in the position to be able to step away from them and they can no longer hurt me. I have the love of my husband and child and that is enough. Whatever your situation, with or without mental illness, you cannot force people to love you unconditionally and I will no longer be wasting my precious time on trying <3

    February 17, 2017 at 10:33 am
    • Reply amysboarderlineworld

      Hi Amanda
      Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment. I’m so sorry you’ve had such an awful experience. It’s terrible the way people with mental health issues are sometimes treated. Well done for fighting where many could no longer summon the strength. But you seem to have a great support now and like you say that’s what’s important. Sending lots of love to you xxxx

      February 20, 2017 at 4:53 pm
  • Reply Nat

    You’re so right, Amy. It shouldn’t be down to people who are struggling just to get through each day to seek basic information out about BPD. I was lucky to have a wonderful psychiatrist diagnose me. Unfortunately, due to cuts in MH funding we lost him but I am now starting a “Structured Clinical Management” group and 1-on-1 therapy specifically for people with BPD. If I could offer a piece of advice to anyone recently diagnosed or who suspects they may have BPD it’s to push. Push for a diagnosis or push for treatment, just don’t let them fob you off.

    February 20, 2017 at 11:58 am
    • Reply amysboarderlineworld

      Hi Nat
      Thanks for the comment. I completely agree.
      It’s so good that you’ve got things all in place in terms of therapy though. Hope you’re doing OK. The cuts to mental health are disgraceful and I see all the time what an awful effect this is having on people but hopefully with us talking about it, things with improve. Good luck with everything and I’d love you to let me know how you get on ? xxx

      February 20, 2017 at 4:49 pm
  • Reply Kelly

    It is so so helpful to read about some of the positive aspects and attitudes surrounding bpd. Sadly, the structured help isn’t always available and some areas are completely without any support purely because of their postcode. My sister struggles every day and has no support whatsoever which makes her existence even more admirable. I know of the dark side, but I also see the beauty and uniqueness which enriches my own life and that of my family. I agree that education and washing away the stigma is key here. A little bit of understanding, respect and dignity goes such a long way. Thank you for sharing. X

    February 20, 2017 at 9:09 pm
  • Reply Lisa-Jane

    I am so pleased that I have found your blog, I have been diagnosed for 5 years now, but have suffered since my teens. I’ve had CBT, DBT and just plain ole talking therapy none of which has help, the medication I am on seems to take the edge off a bit, but it’s no cure. Anyway I have been talking to this man (motivational speaker) who has said to me I need to find someone that has the same diagnosis and has come out the other side to help me, well I haven’t found anyone in person, but I have found your wonderful blog which has help in so many ways, it has made me feel less alone and I can really relate to many of your posts. There is brilliant information some of which I didn’t know myself, especially this post.
    I just want to say a big thank you and sorry for the long comment.

    April 9, 2017 at 3:10 pm
    • Reply amysboarderlineworld

      Hi thank you for your comment and for reading my blog. BPD is such a tough and misunderstood diagnosis.
      I’m glad you found it useful. Wishing you all the best.
      Xxx

      April 9, 2017 at 5:20 pm
  • Reply 8 things never to say to someone with Borderline Personality Disorder – Sharing stories, articles and blogs on mental health to help reduce the stigma

    […] exists around it. With my blog I am to dispel myths and create more of an understanding around BPD and what it is really like to live […]

    July 4, 2017 at 3:05 pm
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