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Boarderlines make good mothers too!

OK, so I’m just going to say it.

Just because I have Boarderline personality disorder doesn’t mean I’m automatically going to be a bad mother!
I’m saying this because this is what I instantly thought when first diagnosed with BPD. I thought I had failed. I’ve got these issues now so I can never be any kind of mother, let alone a good one!

boarderlines make good mother too

But I am here to be brave and say – I am a good mum!

I’ve always been extremely protective of my little boy H. I’ve always given him lots of attention, love and affection. I’ve played games, baked cakes, cooked, been creative and arranged days out.
I am always cooking meals from scratch and try to make sure he is as healthy as possible. My husband and I are always being told what a lovely kind, polite boy H is.
This is so lovely. Amazing in fact, because how can this be true? I’ve got Boarderline Personality Disorder??
BPD rules my life so I must be failing him! I must be doing something wrong!

boarderlines make good mothers too

This is very much the way you are treated by professionals after you your diagnosis – I was at least. It is very wrong and unfair and it actually feeds our negative views we already have of ourselves.

“Everyone would be better of without me.”

“I may as well disappear as I am failing at everything.”

I was terrifyingly thrown into the world of social services after my diagnosis. Meetings, appointments, checks on me, my family and friends and even my house! There was never any question that there was any harm coming to H but I was told after we had been discharged from social services, the reason they got so involved is because of my diagnosis? I mean, seriously! My family and I went through hell and back because I had a diagnosis that suggests I might not be a good mum?

Professionals should NOT be focusing on these bad or negative things. They should be focusing on and encouraging the positives you are bring to your child’s lives. They should be treating every case individually and of course if there is a need for intervention then absolutely 100% I agree with the necessary precautions being taken. But please don’t assume that because I have BPD that I am not a good mother.

mother

It’s because I have BPD I actually feel it makes me a better mother at times. I am very sensitive and feel every emotion very intensely. Because of this it makes me closer and able to understand H more. I can put myself in his shoes and communicate better with him.
Because I like to see people I care about happy, I do a lot with him. Take him to his favourite places, play his favourite games and make him smile at every opportunity that I can.

Now doesn’t that sound like a bloody awful mother to you?!

Don’t get me wrong my friends and family told me – and do tell me – that I am a good mum but at that difficult time I needed to hear to from the people that mattered to me at that time. The professionals.

Ultimately I do now believe that I am a good mum.

Wow did I just say that!!??

There are always days when I look back and feel guilty for what I feel I put H through when I was at my worst. I look back and think that for over half of his life I was ill! What a shit mother!

But then I remind myself – with the help of my awesome husband, friends and family – that he didn’t really suffer. He spent plenty of time with friends and family that adored him. He grew in confidence and more importantly it gave me the time and space I needed to get better. So that I could look after him to the fullest.

I’m not a perfect mother. Far from it. But I am no longer striving for perfection. I am just doing the best I can with an amazing little boy I am blessed to have in my life.

Lots of love

Amy x

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6 Comments

  • Reply Kat | Beau Twins

    Amy, you are a wonderful mummy and H is a very lucky little boy to have you as a mummy. He has amazing parents who love him to the moon and back. I think because we have suffered with mental health, it makes us fight to be better. We are that kind of person. We are so hard on ourselves – we don’t need people telling us to try harder as we do that well enough on our own. Nothing is ever good enough so we aim to try harder next time. But we always make sure our children are safe, protected, happy, loved and well balanced. I LOVE your blog – you are a true inspiration – keep doing what you are doing! xxxx

    October 30, 2016 at 7:52 am
    • Reply amysboarderlineworld

      Ah bless you huni what lovely words. Thank you so much xxxx

      October 30, 2016 at 8:11 am
  • Reply CM

    This just made me cry. I’m 29 and was only diagnosed yesterday. My very first thoughts are ‘omg what if I can’t have children, what if I become a bad mum’. Before yesterday I always thought that I’d be a good mum. That because of my sensitivity and knowing of how much arguements, conflict and invalidation has effected me as a child that I would be very mindful and never do the same. Then I got this diagnosis yesterday and started getting very upset about the fact I may not being able to be a good mum. Reading all this information online telling me why I won’t be. So glad to have seen this post. It just gave me hope in a time that’s very confusing for me. Thankyou!!!

    November 3, 2016 at 1:04 pm
    • Reply amysboarderlineworld

      Ah bless you. You will absolutely make a good mum! BPD is not the life sentence it once was. Therapy really does help and talking! Talk and talk and talk it’s the best medicine. Wishing you all the love and luck in the world. Keep me posted with how you get on xxx

      November 3, 2016 at 2:56 pm
  • Reply Dena

    Powerful stuff Hun, I was diagnosed in July I am 38 & I constantly beat myself up re my kids I don’t ever want them to be embarrassed by me or feel that I am a burden but self loathing is a daily event I agree that I am a great mum too I do fun things with my kids all the time and I always spoil them on their birthdays I am pleased I’ve got my diagnosis as I’ve always known something wasn’t quite right & now I just want my kids to be mindful of mental health and the impact it has on others so that they aren’t ignorant to other people’s suffering X

    November 3, 2016 at 7:03 pm
    • Reply amysboarderlineworld

      Thank you lovely. Fantastic that you are a mummy – and a fab one at that! I too make sure my son is aware and understands his emotions. It’ll make for good mental health. Well done you for being where you are and providing your family with a positive outlook on mental health. Keep up the awesome work xxx

      November 3, 2016 at 7:38 pm

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